🔗 Share this article Balancing the Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy Whilst Seeking a Meaningful Relationship Being a gay man in my late 40s, I’ve spent many, largely pleasurable years engaging in casual sex with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I was in a serious relationship which continued for a significant period, however I never felt completely content, because I felt neither loved or sexually nourished. The fact is that I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Every time I begin seeing a potential partner, once the newness dwindles, an impulse arises to be intimate with new partners once more. Questioning the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to sustain a faithful partnership. I understand that numerous gay men engage in open relationships, but from my observations, they have seemed like hard work, often causing significant pain and jealousy among all parties. To a large extent, I desire another man to care for me while allowing me to remain sexually free, however I fear the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to continue to have casual sex and acknowledge that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I’m feeling a bit lost. Every person’s sexual journey varies. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to tolerate various forms of intimate connections as fixed. What you need as you are experiencing them now could easily shift down the road; eventually you might become more decisive and find some clarity and a suitable route … or not. At some point you could encounter a person who provides a transformative opportunity for you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and later on you might decide that casual connections are best for you. Worrying about the future and playing the “What if?” game is merely rooted in fear and squandering of your efforts. Try to be present in your relationships, and see the value of each person you connect with intimately a sexual connection. If and when you are ever ready to strengthen genuine closeness with one partner, it will be clear. Pamela Stephenson Connolly practices as a US-based therapy professional focusing on treating sexual disorders.