🔗 Share this article The Words given by A Father Which Helped Us as a New Dad "In my view I was just trying to survive for the first year." Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of being a father. But the reality rapidly proved to be "completely different" to his expectations. Severe health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her main carer as well as looking after their baby boy Leo. "I took on all the nights, every change… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan shared. Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help. The straightforward statement "You are not in a healthy space. You must get assistance. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back. His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although people is now better used to addressing the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties dads face. 'It's not weak to ask for help Ryan believes his challenges are part of a wider inability to talk amongst men, who continue to hold onto damaging perceptions of masculinity. Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall with each wave." "It is not a sign of being weak to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies. Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling. They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the family. Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to take a respite - spending a short trip away, away from the family home, to gain perspective. He realised he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a infant. When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words. Self-parenting That epiphany has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood. He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he grows up. Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the language of emotion and understand his approach to fatherhood. The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four. During his childhood Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection. Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "poor choices" when in his youth to alter how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt. "You turn to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse." Advice for Managing as a New Father Talk to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your other half or a professional about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported. Remember your hobbies - make time for the things that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. It could be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby. Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, staying active and where possible, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is coping. Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling. Understand that requesting help is not failure - looking after you is the most effective way you can care for your family. When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years. As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead offer the safety and nurturing he missed out on. When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings safely. Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they communicate, and learned to control themselves for their kids. "I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen. "I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I think my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."
"In my view I was just trying to survive for the first year." Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of being a father. But the reality rapidly proved to be "completely different" to his expectations. Severe health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her main carer as well as looking after their baby boy Leo. "I took on all the nights, every change… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan shared. Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help. The straightforward statement "You are not in a healthy space. You must get assistance. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back. His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although people is now better used to addressing the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties dads face. 'It's not weak to ask for help Ryan believes his challenges are part of a wider inability to talk amongst men, who continue to hold onto damaging perceptions of masculinity. Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall with each wave." "It is not a sign of being weak to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies. Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling. They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the family. Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to take a respite - spending a short trip away, away from the family home, to gain perspective. He realised he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a infant. When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words. Self-parenting That epiphany has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood. He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he grows up. Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the language of emotion and understand his approach to fatherhood. The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four. During his childhood Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection. Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "poor choices" when in his youth to alter how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt. "You turn to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse." Advice for Managing as a New Father Talk to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your other half or a professional about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported. Remember your hobbies - make time for the things that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. It could be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby. Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, staying active and where possible, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is coping. Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling. Understand that requesting help is not failure - looking after you is the most effective way you can care for your family. When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years. As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead offer the safety and nurturing he missed out on. When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings safely. Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they communicate, and learned to control themselves for their kids. "I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen. "I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I think my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."